gona loose it.

so i think i will begin to type my frustrations out as a mother. right now i have left the kitchen full of dishes to be thrown in the dishwasher, macaroni on the floor, crumbs galore- where an hour ago it was spotless. motherhood. nolen is about to kill his little brother- on purpose as a type... because he can do ANYTHING when he knows im distracted. i am so irritated right now. especially because lately i feel like i am trapped. i do the same gosh dang thing EVERYDAY of my life. i RARELY if EVER get to brushing my teeth, hair, shower by 4 in the afternoon. ollie just fell- hard. i am so angry i can SCREAM. i dont even want to go to him right now- happens ALL THE TIME. he ll stop- soon enough. i just want to feel like SOMEONE. i want to feel ALIVE. i want to feel like im doing SOMETHING with my life. i feel so trapped right now. i want to be happier. and yes there are times when i am happy- but not much. i could be reading the scriptures more, praying more sincerely, and serving those around me more. i can, but really when it gets down to it- i just want to SLEEP when i have time to MYSELF. gosh- im loosing it fast. i have to go- ollie is not stopping. i guess i ll get off this computer and continue doing my day to day mothering, house-cleaning, wifeing (even though that is a WHOLE other post to write about- how am i to be a good wife when i feel like crashing at the end of the day when owen comes home? and all i do to him is bitch and complain?????) oh well- i ve got some of my venting out and about...time to stop. till next time...