church.

I was in a bad mood when I got to church today for a number of reasons...William was with us and the boys were just antsy to begin with, Ollie was everywhere (no surprise) and Owen made me upset because he over-exagerated "scooting down" and I just got very upset- so after Nolen got loud during a confirmation for a new family in our ward I got up and took him out to an empty room, plotted him down on a chair and just sat and stared ahead in major discouragment. Nolen fake-cried for about five minutes then got concerned as I began crying. I just started and couldnt stop. Nolen was very concerned, got quiet and said "Im so sorry mom. I am so sorry" Which of course made me cry more and I finally took him in my arms and said "Nolen I need you to be a good boy. I need you to listen to me. I need you to be nice. I need you to whisper and be reverant in church." He was very sweet and agreed to help me out. He then put his arms around me and said "Mom, I will take care of you." MELT MY HEART KID! I was all of sudden better and resolved deep down inside that this week would be better. I am going to TRY to be better in many ways. One step at a time though right? Tender mercy- as I was walking back to go back in for sacrament (thinking for sure I had already missed taking the Sac.)- i came right in time to take it in the hallway.I was grateful to be able to take the sacrament and renew my covenants. This week I am going to :
NOT GO ON FACEBOOK. - its pointless...waste of my time.
NOT YELL. TRY at least.
BE SWEETER to my HUSBAND. he's too good to me and I need to pay him back more often.
NOT get so STRESSED so QUICKLY or EASILY. go with the flow and let things go. There is always tomorrow.
TRY. I am going to TRY to be better this week. We ll see how it goes.:)

blessed.

I spend a lot of my days discouraged, frustrated and frazzled. I feel so much that I am inadequate as a mother, and inadequate as a wife and it just gets to me so often lately. BUT luckily I KNOW I am blessed at the end of the day. I have two BEAUTIFUL boys who are the BEST things that have happend to me in my life (other than Owen- get to him later). I LOVE that Nolen will HUG me so TIGHT and give me kisses lots. And Ollie-his SMILE just melts my heart. He has been so expressive with his many emotions lately.
Unfortunatly I have been interupted a number of times tonight-- I will have to finish this later. argh.

Life Lately...

Life has definetly been tough lately. With Owen out of work and the prospects of finding a job sooner than later not looking so good, it seems like we are trapped. Our relationship has for sure been hindered in the last few months, not because we want it this way- it's just the circumstances that have put us in unwanted situations. It's hard for me to imagine if it would be any better if we were living on our own again in our own home? I like to think so. We would have our own furniture, our own food, our own beds, our own closets...all of which seems so simple but when you don't have your own home to come home to it's eye-opening. The good thing is and the BLESSING is that we get to stay at my parents' home which if we had to live ANYWHERE for a period of time- this would be the place. So much love here from them and so much freedom to feel like we can operate how we would in our own place. My parents have been so kind to house us for these last few months. Nolen and Ollie sure do love to play with them and be around them whenever they get the chance. This will definetly be a memory not to be forgotten.
Owen has been very diligent in seeking employment. We are waiting to hopefully hear from and have more interviews from Sunrise in Holladay. The other discouraging thing is that as soon as Owen moves so far along in the whole HIRING process, things all of a sudden fall through. So on to PATIENCE PATIENCE and more PATIENCE. I do need to be more appreciative of Owen's hard work though. I know he wants whats best for this family and I need to support him even more.
Nolen has grown so much since we have been here. His vocabulary is everywhere and it is hilarious to hear him say things. His latest funny sayings are:
when he gets in trouble and has to go to time out he'll run away to time-out and YELL/SCREAM- "BAD!!!!!!"
The other night him and Will were eating dinner doing their lame "yummy-ow" get up when I said "You guys are such dorks" and Nolen came back with- " No wer'e not mom- wer'e just kids!" good one!
We take naps together lately and he will always ask if I will "snuggle him a lot"
We talked about the Resurrection around Easter this year and told Nolen that Jesus died for us, so often when Nolen hears Jesus's name or something about him he will almost get teary eyed and say " Jesus died mom...that's so sad" gotta work on that one...
Ollie is just a FUNNY little boy. I LOVE to watch him walk. I have never seen a baby walk like Ollie. It's almost like he just got off a horse and has a giddy'up. So cute. He LOVES to follow Nolen and Will everywhere and tries to stay up with them. Today he got really upset because Nolen took a ball away from him and he didn't know what to do, so he grabbed a flower out of Nana's pot and threw it on the ground angrily. It was pretty funny.
I am doing my best to do things that keep me sane and happy. I am borrowing Sarah's guitar, reading ALOT and trying to cook more. Anyway I don't feel like writing anymore...i have GOT TO get better at writing here more! UGH!