HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY NOLEN!

So yes, I am a week behind in writing you for your birthday- BUT at least I am getting to it and I have been WANTING to forever now, just couldn't find the time.

Your birthday this year was PERFECT. We celebrated it on the 5th because we were going to be heading down to CA to see dad. Anyway it was so fun and so simple. We had balloons waiting at the top of the stairs for you- which you and Ollie LOVED and you went bowling with Will and came home for pizza, dessert (cake with a thomas engine on it) and presents! It was so fun to see you light up about everything on your birthday. This was for sure the first birthday where you "got it".

I love you so much Nolen. You seriously make me the happiest mama around. I truly feel like you and I have this certain bond that no one knows about. Just you and me. I love to snuggle you and hear you breath when you fall asleep. I love to see you interact with Ollie boy. You sure do love him a lot. You love to learn too! You continually want to learn and LOVE to share with others what you have learned. We are working on your abc's and 123's- getting close! You love to sing songs with me and I love it too.

I am so glad you are my boy and that you are here to teach me each day what it means to be a mother. I hope that I can continue to be as good as you are to me. I love you so much Nolen!!

Love-

Mama

LIfe.

Since I am the world's worst journal writer- and most inconsistent- I have once again decided to try using this blog as my journal. Why not? No one knows about this blog but Owen, and I do much better at typing than I do writing. My problem is that I feel like once I begin to write or type, I feel as if my thoughts in my mind that I want to write about are going so much faster than what I can type? Doesn't make much sense, but needless to say I will give this another shot.

I just felt good today. I went with my parents to their Stake Conference with the boys. Owen has and will be in CA for a while looking for a job. Anyway- most of the two hours was spent trying to keep the boys entertained and trying to keep them happy, so I wasn't able to get EVERYTHING out of conference that I could have. But then again, I am glad I went and I am so grateful my parents were there to help coral the boys. From what I did listen or "got" in the conference were a few things...some that had nothing to do at all with what was being spoken on. Anyway here it goes:

1. I was watching a young family ( maybe a few year older than Owen and I- had 3 kids oldest about 8 and youngest maybe 3?) anyway I watched this couple work together to keep their kids from getting bored or out of control. I know Owen and I do our best together as well when we are in that circumstance. More than anything I watched the mom. She radiated light and nurture through her actions and love for each child. She was calm and collected. She cherished the time she had with her daughter's one on one time. The way she looked at her daughter told me she was so much in love with being a mother and wife at this time in her life. So what I got out of this scenario is- I KNOW that I do my BEST to be like this mother daily. And I hope more than anything I am not COMPARING myself to her (because I've learned lately that that does me no good) but more than anything I watched her and ADMIRED her and hope that I can CONTINUE to be the BEST mom I can to my boys. I am one LUCKY MOM to have Ollie and Nolen in my life. Oh boy, are there times when I literally want to pull my and their hair out. There are times when I want to throw in the towel ( on a daily basis it seems). But this leads me to the second thing I caught during conference today...

2. One of the speakers- I think a youth speaker whom I was so impressed with mentioned that we as Latter Day Saints need to do the little things in life that will keep us on the path and keep us moving forward in the gospel. These little things are of course the little things I've been taught since primary- reading/studying the scriptures, praying, fasting, serving, going to church, etc. Well it again hit me today that if I want my boys to grow and be GOOD MEN in the gospel then I as their mother need to work VERY hard on these little daily things myself. How can I expect them to improve and grow in the gospel if I, their mother, the one who is with them all the time-not even practice these good habits myself? Which leads me to the 3rd and last thing I got out of conference,

3. The two youth speakers who spoke today blew me away with their light and testimonies. A boy and girl. Probably juniors or seniors in High School. I was so impressed with the way they spoke and the testimonies that shone through their countenance. I sat there thinking about how i so HOPE my boys will be as strong and diligent in the gospel at that age. I already fear the future of my ( I should be saying OUR) boys. There is so much evil in the world. My parents raised 6 kids in the gospel and we have all been married in the temple and all 5 boys served missions. But I know plenty of GOOD families who have done there all to raise their children in the gospel and they have lost one or more to the "world" as they have gotten older. I have NO IDEA what will come in the future...I guess instead of fearing as a mother I should look forward in faith knowing that Owen and I will do our best and show our love to each other and our boys often- and live according to the principles of the gospel and HOPE that Nolen and Ollie will follow not only our example but the examples of their uncles, aunts, cousins, grandmas and grandpas.

I am just so grateful for the church in my life. I know that I have been placed on the Earth at this time to raise a generation who will withstand the fiery darts of the adversary. I hope that I can continue to press forward in the difficult/daily challenges that await me and my family.

Nolen,

We have been in Utah for about 3 weeks now. And what you think is Utah is, Nana and Papa's house. It is so funny because whenever we are driving up to their house you will say, " We made it! We made it to Utah!" And we when are out and about and you want to go home you will say,

"Can we go to Utah?" Or, "Can William come over to Utah?"

My other favorite thing you are doing lately is saying your own prayers. You are always insisting to say the prayer. You have even volunteered in nursery. Your prayers are very sweet, and usually consist of the same thing:

bless William to come over and play with me

bless nana, papa, william and sarah and bryan and mama and dada and ollie boy!

bless this food to give nourishment

in name of Jesus Christ AMEN!

I LOVE to watch you pray too because you fold your arms so tightly and bow your head and squint your eyes shut...so serious and sooo cute.

In the car one day I was talking with Nana and somehow you were talking to us about different people and I said "I'm your Nana!" (just joking of course) and you said, " No you're not nana mom! You are my friend- Mama!" I loved it. I love that you are my little buddy and that I feel a definite bond with you.

I love you so much and will always be your mama and friend:)

Loves,

Mama

Happy 1st Birthday Ollie Boy!

Ollie boy,

A few days ago we celebrated your first birthday here in Utah at Nana and Papa's house. We had a perfect little party. Sarah and William came over for some cake and ice-cream and it was a lot of fun to see you eat your cake! As soon as I said "you can eat it Ollie", you devoured it.

I am so grateful that you came into our lives just over a year ago. I am so happy to have lived through the last year with you, even though it may have been definatley one of the hardest years of my life because of your health, and our financial worries as a family. The first two weeks were easy with you, but as soon as my mom went home and you hit two weeks, colic set it fast. You had major colic on top of extreme acid reflux. Poor baby! It was so awful trying to figure out what was going on with you. I'll never forget the night I had to take you into the ER because you hadn't eaten in 24 hours and you were losing weight fast...so the doctor told me to take you to the ER. Once there, the nurse was watching you nurse, and you wouldn't latch on at all, and then I told her I had tried so many different bottles but nothing seemed to be working. You were so HUNGRY and UPSET. The sweet nurse brought me a sample bottle and you guzzled it down FAST. You ended up going through 8 bottles that night and went home feeling much better. Soon after that I realized that I needed to give you formula from there on out. You sure have gained all that weight back! You are already fitting in clothes that Nolen was wearing a year ago! So needless to say- it has been by far a very trying year for me. BUT I would not trade it for anything. I am so grateful that I was able to endure those difficult days with you and snuggle you through. You have been such a little angel to me. I love you so much and am loving seeing your personality burst! You for sure have a sense of humor. Always laughing at Nolen and you like to copy him. You LOVE to cuddle. You still are very whiny and ALWAYS need attention, but I am so happy to give it to you ( most of the time). Thank you for coming into our lives Ollie. I will always always love you.

Loves,

Mama

gona loose it.

so i think i will begin to type my frustrations out as a mother. right now i have left the kitchen full of dishes to be thrown in the dishwasher, macaroni on the floor, crumbs galore- where an hour ago it was spotless. motherhood. nolen is about to kill his little brother- on purpose as a type... because he can do ANYTHING when he knows im distracted. i am so irritated right now. especially because lately i feel like i am trapped. i do the same gosh dang thing EVERYDAY of my life. i RARELY if EVER get to brushing my teeth, hair, shower by 4 in the afternoon. ollie just fell- hard. i am so angry i can SCREAM. i dont even want to go to him right now- happens ALL THE TIME. he ll stop- soon enough. i just want to feel like SOMEONE. i want to feel ALIVE. i want to feel like im doing SOMETHING with my life. i feel so trapped right now. i want to be happier. and yes there are times when i am happy- but not much. i could be reading the scriptures more, praying more sincerely, and serving those around me more. i can, but really when it gets down to it- i just want to SLEEP when i have time to MYSELF. gosh- im loosing it fast. i have to go- ollie is not stopping. i guess i ll get off this computer and continue doing my day to day mothering, house-cleaning, wifeing (even though that is a WHOLE other post to write about- how am i to be a good wife when i feel like crashing at the end of the day when owen comes home? and all i do to him is bitch and complain?????) oh well- i ve got some of my venting out and about...time to stop. till next time...

Ollie Boy,

My little angel. I love you so much! It has been so fun to watch you grow up lately! It is sad too though to think how fast you have grown since we've lived here in Torrance. We moved here when you were 6 weeks old and now you are 10 months! Really time flies when you have kids! You are such a cruiser. You are crawling so fast and EVERYWHERE! I love to watch you crawl because it is the classic baby crawl but it is too cute to watch you crawl to me and stand up holding onto my legs-something I will miss soon. And as always you LOVE to be with your brother Nolen. You follow him wherever he goes- even when he goes to time-out:) You two have recently started to share a bedroom. It has worked out pretty good so far! I love to hear you both in the morning. Nolen will crawl in with you and make you laugh and giggle. Also Nolen loves to pull you along while you hold on to the back of the walker truck. It is too cute! Sometimes Nolen will go to fast and you fall and roll but get up right away to keep up with him:) The park has been so much fun with you too lately because I can just sit you in the swing and you will sit there the whole time happy as can be- you love the swing! I LOVE to snuggle you even though you aren't quite the snuggler. It is so heavenly when once in a rare while you will lay your head on my shoulder or chest and snuggle- I love it.

I really can't believe you will be a year old in a few months! CAN'T BELIEVE IT! You have grown up right before my eyes! I hope to cherish each day with you because I will miss these days so much so soon!

Thank you for bringing so much joy and happiness into my life Ollie Gregory. I love you forever.

Loves,

Mama

Nolen,

It has been to long! It is also late but I just want to write you a little note. We went to Disneyland again tonight. There is truly something so magical about that place! It is such blast to go with you during the night-time because of all the lights and fun parades and shows. Especially during this Holiday time- SO MUCH LIGHTS and SO MANY fun things to look at! I LOVE watching you look at all the many fun things. Your favorite ride right now is Buzz and the Rockets. We also made it to Its a Small World tonight. That's my favorite. I will NEVER forget these great memories of taking you to Disneyland while we have lived in Torrance. It's been such a short time and so we have been using our pass well!

You have one more sticker for your Potty Training Chart and then you get your MATER! I am so excited for you! I have been so impressed with you potty-training! You are such a big boy and potty-training has been so easy for you- and me!

Your dad and I have been saying a lot lately that you have been GROWING UP WAY TOO FAST lately! We are seeing you change from a Toddler to a LITTLE BOY. Oh- I really hope I am soaking up all that I can. I know that one day I will look back and cry because you will have just grown up before my eyes!!!

My favorite thing with you lately has been going down for naps together or snuggling first thing in the morning. You and Ollie have recently started to share rooms so I have had you with me while Ollie falls asleep. Anyway- I LOVE having you so close. You are pretty antsy for about10 mins, then you see that I am (secretly) closing my eyes and you soon drift off to dreamland. And you are such a sound sleeper. Oh, you are so precious to me. Please snuggle with me when you are older. I will LOVE it even then.

I love you Nolen. Tomorrow is another LONG day ahead with two very demanding, crazy little boys- but I wouldn't have in any other way:)

Loves,

Mama